- scads of patience
- financial reimbursement from your offspring.
- emotional support
- acknowledgement that your real worth lies not in your transient youth and beauty, but in your intellect, emotional maturity, determination and capacity to love. Or Buy One Get One Free on hair dye this weekend at Boots.
- A Time Machine with which to go back in time and tell yourself to "keep your f***ing legs closed you idiot! Trust me, you'll regret it!"
If you are not a mother then congratulations, and feel free to relay my wishes to your own maternal unit once she has finished the washing up. Let's face it, she's not going to get any of these things, but never mind. A trip to Thornton's is usually enough to keep the old dear from complaining too much, right? Right.
Also, I don't often blog about my literary wanderings, but I am reading a fantastic book from a little known author, which I feel obliged to share with you. Here is an excerpt:
"In the morning I walked around Alexandra park, taking photos of leaves and
taunting the deer. They are lazy and rarely rise to the bait. Still, it keeps me
busy.I spent the afternoon spaying dogs. It's not a pleasant job. Actually, I lie,
it's a job I enjoy immensely. In fact, it's not really a job, I just do it for
the fun. So, if your dog disappears and then reappears without its
balls, it was probably me. Sorry."
I am informed that the company originally publishing A Year in the Life of the Man Who Fell Asleep went bust, and the author had to buy up the entire stock himself. They are being sold from the Big Green Bookshop, which is 2/3 fiction itself, as the place itself is neither bigger than is usual nor greener than one might reasonably expect.
However, they are selling this magic book (and also some magic bookmarks featuring bootylicious pachyderms. Anyone who forgot to get me a birthday prezzie, they're about £5 and I'll love you forever), and are therefore worthy of your cash.
You may buy the book here.
Much love.
TK x
